I purchased and installed "Horse 1.0".
noticed that this program appears to have many glitches. For instance,
every time my computer boots up, I have to run "Feed 5.3" and
times I've been in the middle of an important document and a window will
flash, telling me to run "Clean Stall 2.0". This program also
contained applications I did not wish to install, such as "Manure
8.5", however they were auto-installed with "Horse 1.0".
Applications such as "Vacation 2.7" and "Free Time 10.0"
can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that
"Horse 1.0" has attached itself to programs like "Finance
Manager" and "MS Money", with folders added such as "Monthly
Shoeing" and "Winter Blanket".
I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of
"Horse 1.0" for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall
"Horse 1.0" numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall
program, I get a warning message telling me that a deadly virus known
as "Withdrawal" will infect my system.
Dear User, Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among
users is that "Horse 1.0" is a mere "utilities and entertainment
program" It is NOT--it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the
box. Since you have already installed "Horse 1.0" here are a
few tips on how to make it run better: ---
If you are
annoyed by the applications "Feed 5.3" and "Water 7.1",
you may run "C:/HIRE HELP", however this will cause another
folder to be added to financial applications labeled "Staff".
Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result
in "Feed 5.3" and "Water 7.1" being run again on startup.
A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't
the answer to avoid "Feed 5.3" and "Water 7.1".
find that when you boot your computer again a nasty virus called "Colic
4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only
way to rid computer of "Colic 4.2" is by purchasing and installing
"Vet 10.0" which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial!
Otherwise, "Colic 4.2" will cause irreversible damage to the
it is important that you run "C:/Carrots" and "C:/Scratch
Ears" on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly.
If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.
I knew all about this - but you didn't mention that when the "In-Stall"
program crashes you are left with crap being left all over your desktop
and your properties are destroyed. This is especially bad if you are up
to Horses 4.0 as I am.
Hi. I AM a Horse-Aholic. I would like to welcome
all of you to this month's online meeting of Horse-Aholics Anonymous.
You may be sitting there thinking that you are OK, and don't really need
any help. It is not easy to realize that you are a Horse-Aholic, and even
harder to bring yourself to an "HA" meeting for help. "HA"
is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask to try to determine
if you can be helped.
1. Can you say 'sheath' in public without blushing?
If you answered YES to three of
these questions, you are in pretty good shape. You will lead a long, dull
life, and never call your mother and tell her "I'm in the hospital,
but everything is fine! The horse is ok."
2. Do you know exactly what 'snaffle' means? (No, it is not a drink!)
3. Do you drive a truck with some type of towing package and/or dual rear
wheel when everyone else you know drives a real car?
4. Do you have more than one type of trailer because you own horses?
5. Do you spend your holidays going to shows, sales, clinics, and seminars
when everyone else goes on cruises?
6. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make a doctor
leave in disgust?
7. Do you consider formal wear clean jeans and freshly scraped boots?
8. Does the inside of your home look like your interior decorator is 'State
9. Do you often have barn boots on porch facing the barn?
10. Is your mail made up primarily of breed magazines and horse catalogs?
11. Do your shirt pockets often contain bits of feed, hay, and empty syringe
12. Do you worry about paying your monthly feed-bill before you think
of paying your electric bill?
13. When you meet a person, do you ask how many horses they have, and
pity them if the answer is none?
14. Do you remember the name of a great-great-great-grandsire when you
can't remember your own Great grandfather's name?
15. Is your primary dream in life to breed the perfect foal?
16. Do you find non-horse people boring?
17. Is 99% of your e-mail about horses?
18. Do you have a collection of bits even larger than your collection
19. Does you halter collection include more than four foal halters, all
the same size?
20. Do you know more than five people this list fits exactly?
If you answered YES to 10, you are in serious trouble.
Give in gracefully, and become a member of Horse-Aholics Anonymous, now!!!
You will qualify eventually anyway.
If you answered YES to 15 or more, you are incurable.
My advice to those who, like me, are incurable is as follows..... Sit back,
smile, read your email, and know that your life will always be filled with
good friends, better horses, and it will never be boring!
You Know You're a Horse Person When...
Your horse gets shoes more often than you.
Your husband does something nice for you and you say "good boy"
and pat him on the neck.
You are trying to get by a co-worker in a restricted space and instead
of saying "excuse me" to him/her, you cluck at them instead.
You patch your mud boots with duct tape and slog through knee deep mud
to get hay to your horse, who has commandeered the ONLY dry spot for miles.
You show up in city clothes dressed for appointments and when you get
there people reach over the breakfast table to pick alfalfa out of your
You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles
to the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class
smelling like a barn without complaining. No one wants to ride in your
car because they'll get sweet feed and hay in their socks and purses...that's
okay because then you'd have to rearrange all the tack to make room for
You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't
mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food...
Your secretary does a "hay check" on your suit each morning
and your first stop in the office is the ladies room to remove the shavings
from your shoes.
You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat a carrot if
somebody paid you.
Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back
seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs.
You say "whoa" to the dog.
You pass up attractive social invitations because they'd conflict with
your lesson schedule.
The back of your station wagon is an auxiliary tack box.
Your mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed to Grandma,
signed by the horses and the dog.
You don't even want to think about how your car would be paid for, your
mortgage would be much smaller, and you might have some savings if you
didn't have horses.
You see the vet more than you see your child's pediatrician
You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
You cannot imagine why anyone would think it kinky to own whips. .
The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for, and
you say, "More than six acres."
You save the hoof shavings for the dog.
You yell at the kids, and the horse's name pops out.
On rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.
You stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
When you have more pictures of your horses in your office than you have
of your family
Your horse seems the right choice when you need to talk something out
You can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.
You know more about equine nutrition than human nutrition.
You get a little whiff of the smell of leather and breathe deeper to get
the full impact.
Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't imagine
where the time went.
There are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.
You save every horse magazine you have ever bought.
You drive by ANY field ANYWHERE and look very hard for horses.
Your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't remember
to take vitamins yourself.
When the doctor tells you "it's serious, but you will live",
your first question is: "How long will it be until I can ride?
The Saga of Horse Ownership
A friend gives you a horse...
You build a small shelter...$750
You fence in a paddock...$450
Purchase small truck to haul hay...$12,000
Purchase a 2-horse trailer...$2,800
Purchase 2nd horse...$2,500
Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
Purchase 3rd horse...$3,000
Purchase 4-horse trailer...$17,500
Purchase larger truck...$23,000
Purchase 4 acres next door...$38,000
Build small barn...$18,000
Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
Purchase 4th & 5th horse...$6,500
Purchase 20 acres...$285,000
More fencing & corrals...$24,000
Build covered arena...$182,000
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters...$45,000
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750
Hire full time trainer...$50,000
Build house for trainer...$84,000
Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
Hire attorney -- spouse leaving you for trainer...$35,000
Declare bankruptcy, spouse gets everything.
Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....
Top Ten Exercises to Become a
10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't
pick it up right away. Shout, "Get Off, Stupid! GET OFF!"
9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall."
Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200
check without even looking down.
7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell
the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.
6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling
to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.
5. Hone your fibbing skills: " See, hon, moving hay bales is FUN!
" and, "no, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion
dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work
and actual ability won me second place"
4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed
to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown,
kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...
2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes
and repeat to yourself, " This is a learning experience, this is
a learning experience, this is..."
1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.